Pastel summer colors fill the area as a group of excited children smile in the distance. A young girl sporting bright blue headphones laughs with her friend, who is wearing a tie-dye hoodie, as they stand next to a shelf full of spiral notebooks, folders and glue sticks. Close by, a mother and her tweenage daughter scan the shelves looking for that perfect backpack to complement the new skirts hanging on her arm.

If you haven’t figured it out by now, it’s the beginning of the back-to-school season. Parents are crowding the aisles of retail stores everywhere, frantically trying to find everything on their school supply lists while desperately trying to find outfits for their child to wear — and yet, as a parent, I feel out of place, almost ostracized just for being here. Why? Because, while I am a parent, I am also a father and, according to the media, back-to-school season is more of a coming-of-age event for children and their mothers, where fathers need not apply.

That young girl with the light blue headphones? She’s part of a giant endcap, flanking an endless aisle of school supplies.

The mother and daughter looking for the perfect backpack? A looping promotional video for one of the many sales at popular retail stores across the country.

Every store decoration, ad placement or promotional video for the back-to-school season is typically geared toward mothers and places emphasis on their tastes and sensibilities. They ignore fathers like me who are heavily involved in their children’s day-to-day lives and just as much a part of the back-to-school season. In 2015, 57% of fathers stated that parenting is extremely important to their identity, compared with 58% of mothers, according to the Pew Research Center. Like moms, many dads have a great appreciation for parenting, where 54% stated that it is rewarding all of the time.

Acknowledging that we belong in this space can help change the perception of fathers everywhere. Instead of being seen as merely “breadwinners,” we can be seen as active participants in our children’s lives. Fathers are much more involved today than they were 50 years ago, spending an average of eight hours a week on childcare, which is triple the amount of time spent in 1965. For some fathers, this initial perception is only half the battle — for as a Black father, the perception is one of both general disinterest and perceived absence.

I am the father of two wonderful girls and what you would call a #GirDad. To me, fatherhood is a duty wherein I am accountable for raising them to be the best version of themselves. This proclamation is not uncommon, nor is it an outlier in the Black community, but if you were to listen to media outlets, me being a present Black father is akin to a unicorn in a forest — something to marvel at when you see it but questionable as to whether it is real. And this skewed perception of Black fathers extends into almost every area of advertising, primarily when it is focused on children and families, as it is during the back-to-school season.

Shopping during this time is always an interesting experience as a Black father. Walking the aisles of retail stores is an isolating experience as the majority of customers are women with children and are usually white. Quite often as I am checking the prices of various packs of pencils, markers and notebooks, I am greeted with the occasional odd stare from a mother down the aisle. It’s a look of subtle bewilderment and awkward invasion of space as they try to figure out why I am here shopping and not my children’s mother. And those stares become outright glares of concern when I am looking at clothes for a middle school girl, especially when she is not with me.

This bewilderment can be somewhat attributed to the fact that in many of the aforementioned ads and promotions, very few men can be seen. This lack of a male presence year after year has created the perception that fathers don’t care for school shopping and that it’s a mother’s responsibility to do so. And when men are utilized in promotional ads, very few are Black, and most are relegated to nothing more than background filler.

So, how do we change this skewed perception in advertising for this all-important season in families’ lives?

To start, advertising needs to incorporate more Black men into the visuals in a genuine way. It’s not enough to simply drop in a picture of a Black man with a child on a banner and call it inclusive. The scene itself has to reflect the father’s involvement in the shopping experience as if it were commonplace, because it is.

When featuring Black men in this type of advertising, know that one size does not fit all. If we’ve said it once, we’ve said it a thousand times — Black people are not a monolith. Fatherhood is a unique experience among Black men everywhere. When you feature us, showcase the differences in our shopping experiences while celebrating the unified love for our children.

And most importantly, treat Black men with respect. One of the worst examples of advertising to the Black community is promotions featuring us singing and dancing to some trendy pop song or hip-hop track while doing seemingly innocuous things. While it might be fun to watch, it presents us as caricatures of who we really are and treats us as nothing more than minstrel entertainment to amuse the consumer.

At the end of the day, all families experience the back-to-school season differently — brands need to be intentional when advertising to all types of families and ensure they are genuine in their approach by representing the shifting roles of the modern American family in a more authentic way.

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